monkey face 11:54

Seems to be a monkey ridden existence of late.

Hat trouble 10:30

Descisions, descisions...

dishwasher destruction disaster 15:10

So last night, my dishwasher exploded.
Some water had come from the bottom of it.
I was peering under the dishwasher at the water coming from the bottom of it.
As I peered closer, a large blue flame shot from under it, narrowly missing my eyebrows.

Rapidly standing up, wide eyed and shaking, I turn to the missus and explain the phenomena that just occurred, leaving out the part where my upper facial hair was nearly electrically removed.
She asks me how close I got to it.

I ponder this question, considering that she probably considers my proximity to the cleaning appliance to be in direct relation to the level of malfunction present within the machine.  I decide to lie.

"I was here."  I lie, taking a further step away from the now increasingly leaking dishwasher.

She eyes me with some suspicion, but continues making meatballs in our flooding kitchen.

Wicked lying skillz rock.

Very Warm 13:46

When does 'Very Warm' become 'Hot'?

Moggy Manure Mishap 16:34

Listen to me, you feculent feline fiends.


Should I EVER have the unfortunate luck to immerse any unclothed part of my body in your bum dirt EVER again, I'm coming looking for you and being dipped in defecation will be the least of your worries.

Capiche?

Standard silverware sorting sorrows 13:05

It's knife, fork, spoon isn't it? isn't it?
Left to right - Knife. Fork. Spoon.
I just want to know that i have your agreement here.

Further to my brush with the cutlery ninja (spoonless-in-spoon-filled-world), I find myself yet again in a rage over eating implements.

It seems that due to some bizarre twist of reality that someone at my place of work doesn't agree with the standard order of the universe and refuses to conform.

Upon opening the cutlery drawer at my place of work the other day I was not only surprised to find some cutlery actually in there (and not festering within the realms of the interior of the dishwasher) but I was confused, confounded and consternated by the vision before me.  The forks were on the left.  The knives were in the middle.  The spoons were in their normal place on the right hand side of the plastic retaining container (good old trustworthy spoons).

Furiously, I slammed the drawer closed, alerting all and sundry to my displeasure in this sorting aberration.
And that's when it all became clear.

There was a label on the drawer.  A small plastic label.

The label showed a fork, a knife and a spoon in that order.

You win label, you win.

Bran Flake Monkey 09:35

There has been some call for it.  So here it is - One monkey's dreams of escaping a washing up oppressed régime.